I have run away and come back to the church several times.  Now I don't know where I belong.  The life I lead right now is not of that of a Christian.  It is that of a lost and confused girl who tends to be selfish, impatient, and disrespectful to others and to herself.  I hear people talk about their love of the Lord because of what He had done for us and his promise of everlasting life but I just don't feel it.  I want to be able to one day say, "I love Jesus" not as a joke but as a real declaration of my love for Him.  For now, I sit back in amazement of those who truly live their lives for the Lord and wonder if I could ever be one of them.

The one miracle that I felt He perfomed in my life was that of me getting treatment for my depression.  It was during my darkest hour that I really felt God's presence.

I wonder if God is proud of me or if He's disappointed by my behavior.